Monday Journal #8

FINALLY, I can reveal the full lineup of Ubud Food Festival KYAAAAA~~~ Check them here: Ubud Food Festival website.

Working for the biggest literature festival in Southeast Asia – and respectively international food festival, let me tell you: it’s just difficult to keep secrets of the speakers, programs, activities, and so on. Often I am too excited when we get signed agreement from them, and all I can do is writing it down in my journal. Because, if I open up – my boss will discontinue my contract (OH NO); and, unfortunately, there will always be a possibility the speaker cancels their presence. That’s why, don’t you ever ask, “Prim, who will show up at UWRF19?” My lips are sealed!!!

Anyway, I am starting this week with exhaustion because last week I entered another phase of my life in Bali. I already have some ngaji students, and I also am engaging with several projects. Then, my mom surprisingly came to Bali on Saturday. Oh, I will share the story a bit later, but perhaps you know that I have stopped talking with her for some weeks now. So, when she attended my ngaji class, I was like… “what?” Qadarullah, some days before, I got a call from a woman who needs a guru ngaji for her sister-in-law who can’t read Alquran at all. As my mom is coming without any plan, I asked her if she wants to teach that person. She is happy doing it, and so we spent the weekend to teach the woman (and I have other students as well). 

In Sunday evening, my mom and I went to my place in Gianyar because she wants to see where I stay. Of course she was also eager to see my office. And that’s how I am so tired at the moment… 

I know some people will judge me, saying how I should be grateful to have my mom still around, alive and healthy. But there are things you don’t know and I am not sure if I can reveal it soon. Whenever I want to share the whole stories, I felt like… “but I don’t need the world to see my pain inside.” Every single day I learn to forgive my mom for what she has done to me. In the other side, I learn to not feeling too guilty for ‘leaving’ her to pursue my dreams. I still have a long long way and I don’t want to feed her ego… Well, every person is tested with different kind of trial, and maybe mine is my mom. Whatever it is, may all those hardships bring us closer to Allah’s blessings, aamiin. 

Love,

Prima