Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Weekend Journal #12

Tiga minggu engga menulis weekend journal, kemana aja prim? Untung baru tiga pekan, belum tiga kali puasa – tiga kali lebaran. Bang Toyib, halo? :))

Dua minggu yang lalu saya berkunjung ke Jakarta untuk sharing di sebuah workshop. Saya berangkat dari Jogja hari Kamis malam, mengadakan LIMA appointment pada hari Jum’at, workshop pada hari Sabtu, bertemu informan penelitian saya pada hari Minggu, dan kembali ke Jogja hari Minggu malam.

Akhir pekan kemarin, saya volunteering di Festival Literasi KANCA yang dibuat oleh Writing Table/mbak Windy Ariestanty. Sebenarnya tidak terlalu banyak pekerjaan yang harus dilakukan, malah saya ngerasa agak magabut. Tapi akhirnya saya tepar, kemarin Senin engga bisa bangun dari tempat tidur. Turned out I got my period coming. Makanya bukan hanya capek badan, tapi juga pingin nangis kenceng entah kenapa. Bukan, bukan karena berantem sama mas Pakistan lagi (iya sih, dia sedang ngambek. Saya yang period, kok dia yang PMS -_-).

Dua kali akhir pekan ini, saya senang banget bisa bertemu teman lama, dan mendapatkan teman-teman baru. Salah satu orang yang temui di KANCA adalah Alexander Thian atau aMrazing. Saya dulu pernah bertemu dia pada tahun 2013 atau 2014 di Surabaya. He is so different and he has achieved a lot!

Buat yang sudah pernah baca bukunya Lexy, pasti tahu kalau ‘karier’ Lexy berawal dari counter hp. Boro-boro punya, dia bekerja sebagai penjaga counter hp! Saya agak lupa ceritanya, so please correct me if I am wrong. Lalu dia mencoba menulis skenario macem FTV atau film-film pendek gitu. Dengan berkembangnya networking dia, saat ini siapa sih engga tahu aMrazing? Follower Twitter-nya lebih dari setengah juta, sementara post-nya di Instagram – ya, yang sering mengundang decak kagum itu – pernah dikompilasi dalam sebuah pameran fotografi. Jangan kira dia berasal dari keluarga berada. After all, aMrazing bekerja sangat keras untuk bisa berada di posisinya saat ini.

Sosok lain yang membuat saya terinspirasi adalah Kak Jezzie Setiawan, bos saya di GandengTangan. Saya diajakin menginap di rumahnya waktu saya ke Jakarta, and her family is so lovely. Saya betah ngobrol dengan mama-papanya, kayak ngobrol sama orangtua sendiri gitu (wah, ngaku-ngaku :p). Hubungannya dengan suami, Bang Darul, juga bikin saya menginginkan pasangan seperti itu. Yang punya mimpi besar, dan mau bersama-sama berjuang mewujudkannya. Oh ya, hampir sama dengan pendiri Post Santa, Kak Maesy dan Kak Teddy, yang saya post di Instagram. Bedanya, saya engga begitu kenal dengan Kak Maesy dan Kak Teddy, sementara saya sudah bekerja dengan Kak Jezzie setahun terakhir.

Sesudah saya menginap di rumah Kak Jezzie, saya semakin takjub. Dia memang berasal dari keluarga terpandang, tapi dia mau ‘turun gunung’ untuk membantu menyelesaikan permasalahan sosial di Indonesia. Orangtuanya bisa memberikan fasilitas apa saja, tapi dia lebih memilih untuk mencari jalannya sendiri. Saya optimis kalau 2-3 tahun dari sekarang, nama Kak Jezzie akan lebih dikenal. Sekarang saja dia sudah mendapatkan beberapa penghargaan.
  
aMrazing dan Kak Jezzie memberikan contoh nyata bagi saya, bahwa kunci kesuksesan itu ada pada kerja keras diri sendiri. Dulu saya pikir, betapa beruntungnya seseorang yang sudah kaya ‘dari sananya’ dan tinggal melanjutkan apa yang telah dibangun oleh orangtuanya. Pertanyaannya kemudian, apa benar orang-orang yang terlahir di keluarga biasa saja tidak memiliki kesempatan untuk mencicipi hidup yang menyenangkan?

Lalu saya melihat orang-orang yang melepaskan diri dari latar belakangnya yang sulit, mencoba dan terus mencoba, hingga menemukan suatu jalan yang membawanya pada keberhasilan. BARANGKALI orang-orang yang tidak terbiasa untuk menerima hak istimewa, akan lebih kreatif dalam mencari cara untuk survive. Seperti saya, misalnya. Hahaha.

So what’s actually the moral story of this post? Jangan bersedih jika keadaan sister saat ini masih sulit. You may find something big if you keep trying. Sebaliknya, jangan terlena kalau orangtua sister menghujani dengan segala bentuk perhatian. Go out from your comfort zone. Make your own success as it will be more and more satisfying. 

Udah ah ceramahnya. Lanjut ngerjain tesis deh, biar bisa segera melangkah ke milestone selanjutnya. Best of luck for you who read it, keep doing the hard work!

Salam sukses,
Prima

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Catatan Online Dating (1): Bule atau Lokal?

Jadi sister sudah tahu kalau saya mencoba online dating untuk mendapatkan calon suami. Hahahahaha, agak gimana gitu ya. I know what you think of me, nantinya kalau jadi atau engga, saya rasa saya harus tetap bersyukur karena pengalaman yang saya dapatkan. Mungkin sister (dan saya pribadi) sebagai orang Indonesia masih merasa jengah mendengar tentang online dating. Sementara tips dan trik online dating akan saya ceritakan beberapa bulan lagi sesudah saya benar-benar bertemu mas Pakistan, kali ini saya mau nanya sama sister.

Adakah di antara kalian yang pernah berpikir, “mbak Prima cocoknya sama bule.”

Kalau iya, percayalah sister tidak sendiri. Banyaaaaak orang yang sering ngomong begini sama saya. Padahal saya sendiri engga pernah mengkhususkan diri untuk mengejar hanya bule. Eh, Pangeran Dubai masuk bule kah? Untuk blog post ini, semua warga negara asing saya masukin ke kategori ‘bule’ ya, hanya untuk memudahkan saja.

Ceritanya, tadi malam saya ngobrol dengan si mas Pakistan. Kami membahas betapa generasi millennial jaman sekarang (termasuk kami), merasa lebih cool kalau ngobrol dalam bahasa Inggris. Waktu saya di Jakarta akhir pekan lalu, saya menghadiri sebuah workshop menulis dan hampir semua peserta bicara (dan menulis) dalam bahasa Inggris. I was surprised.

Dalam obrolan saya dan mas Pakistan, dia keukeuh mau ngajarin anaknya bahasa daerahnya dia – macam bahasa Jawa kalau buat saya. Memang saya engga bisa bahasa Jawa halus dan engga berbicara secara fasih. Sedangkan dia sehari-hari bicara dalam bahasa Pashtun, bukan bahasa nasional yaitu Urdu. Untungnya bahasa Inggris dia lancar banget sih, bahkan jauh lebih bagus dari saya.

Obrolan ngalor-ngidul itu membuat saya menceritakan kepada mas Pakistan tentang fenomena bule hunter. Lalu dia bertanya, “apa kamu bule hunter?” *diam sejenak*

Mohon maaf sebelumnya kalau salah, disini saya mendefinisikan bule hunter sebagai ‘perempuan yang rela menghalalkan segala cara untuk mendapatkan pasangan bule, dengan kriteria apapun, yang penting bule.’ Nah, sebenarnya siiih, biarin aja orang punya hidup masing-masing. Cuma saya ingin sedikit meluruskan beberapa hal, terutama mengenai diri saya sendiri (ya iyalah ini kan blog saya).

Monday, March 6, 2017

I Want to Get Married

Being a single myself for almost 6 years now, I rarely ask “when will you get married?” to people, except to my friends whom I know well and I am sure they have boyfriend/girlfriend. I have known too many single women and men – and often I am a bit in doubt as I think...they are waaay older than me.

However, when I know the real age of this guy, I wonder what makes him still single until now. Probably, just like how some people seeing me. There must be something wrong about him, or me. For me, the assumptions can be sickening.

“Oh, you must have been always reject your parents’ suggestions.”
“Don’t be picky!”
“You work too hard.” – or – “You travel too much.”
“You are too independent, men are afraid of you.”
“You are not pious enough, pray more!”

Sadly, these kind of suspicion even contrary with what I am prepared to. As an adult, I have to be responsible to myself. It means, I have to work and earn money. Now that I am trying to escalate my career (or expand my work opportunity), I have to study and graduate. Everyone has his/her own priority, can’t you understand?

Sometimes I ask myself, have I ever prioritize marriage above anything else? My mind always occupied with many things I don’t even look for someone to date with. I thought my time will come someday, someday, someday; and suddenly I am 28 years old now. Did I miss something – or someone? Did I accidentally skip the right man?

Maybe that’s why I laughed at my boss idea about online dating. My boss is a lovely person and I know whoever with her is a lucky man. She is also a super busy entrepreneur, despite the fact that she might seems cold, her energy is derived by loving and caring people around her. But online dating? Why? I felt okay with myself. When she said that it might give me a better chance to meet my husband candidate, I thought she didn’t mean it. [First time she suggested me to create an account, it was end of 2015. Surely I declined the idea and forget it soon.]

Time goes by, we met again and she forced me. She said I deserve to be happy. And I responsed, “I AM happy.” She answered, “I know you are. But don’t you think that happiness meant to be shared?” I mumbled, but I let her installed online dating app and filled my profile.

I didn’t expect too much, so when I found myself emotionally attached to this guy from Pakistan, I was surprised. I almost quitted this app in only two weeks that time, but luckily I saw his profile at the very last time, right before I was about to click ‘disable account’. Up until now, it’s been three months. It doesn’t always smooth, to be honest. But I always hear a whisper saying, “it might works.”   

It doesn’t automatically diminishes my curiousity. If I was happy and alright with being single, why I still want to have a relationship? As I said, with all the hardship, I still got back to him, again and again. Am I just scared of being lonely?

I am not.

You might think I have warm personality and yes, I have a lot of friends. But I enjoy solitude more than other people. My roommate almost never been single because she doesn’t like to be alone. She constantly meet her friends while I can just refuse my friend’ invitation if I am not in the mood (thanks Allah for giving me such kind of understanding friends). I can turn off my phone for days and I don’t feel lost.

So why it has to be now? Why it has to be him? (uhm, perhaps it doesn't HAS TO BE now/him...)

Maybe, just maybe. Because after all this time, I have changed my mind about marriage. I thought at first we have to get married, no matter what. I thought it will be so pathetic to spend the rest of lifetime by myself. I thought having spouse and kids is everything – the only reason of happiness. While you don’t realize, marriage is NOT happily ever after. It requires hard work, every single day. It needs a lot of forgiveness and compassionate.

I finally came to a comprehension that marriage is another personal development, which you can have in order to upgrade yourself. You can find ways to grow, but with the support of someone (...you love and loves you back), you may cultivate further and faster.

I want to be the reason for someone to fight – and I want to have more reasons to keep doing better. This time, the strongest motivation is myself (or perhaps my family). But I once told my best friend, “I think there is no better feeling than looking at your kids’ eyes, then realize that all your sweat and tears are paid off.”

I want to please Allah without having to compromise myself. In life you keep making sacrifice and sometimes you worry if it is worthy. But I eventually believe that all you’ve done for Him, surely will be counted. And who can figure out if He has decide to give something big for you, not only here on earth but maybe later?

I am grateful to have this motivation again. I wish something bigger coming soon, as my best friend reminds me to have positive thoughts, especially towards Allah. I will, Put.

Bismillah.

Lots of love,
Prima 

Read also: Don't Get Married 
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