Wednesday, December 28, 2022

The Year of Starting All Over Again

This morning I woke up with excitement as I have appointment for another “mentee” that will join the career consultation with me. After the first mentee yesterday, I am getting more thrilled to listen to the stories from aspiring career fighters/fresh graduates. I told Najwa, my today’s mentee, that this kind of interaction is not only beneficial for them but also for me. They are keeping me updated with the world of job-seeking nowadays, and I also learn a thing or two from their journey. 

After finishing the consultation at 7:10, I walked at Kemang Village, and masyaAllah.. The feeling of immerse gratitude warmed my heart. On my birthday this year, I “lost” everything – I know it might not be the right word to portray what really happened, but like many people know, that time I was angry, sad, devastated, and clueless. 

I somehow cannot believe, that in less than three months: I have a new amazing job, stay in a decent comfortable place (with a swimming pool that I can say almost private because it is only me and another housemate who use it), and already fostering a lovely cat. Some people would say I am lucky, but if possible I would be screaming to their face, “you have no idea what I have been through to get here!” 

2022 is an exhausting year, indeed. I began this year with the detailed plan of Gathering Nasional Bojonegoro, and in the middle of the preparation, I got COVID-19 which effects lasted for weeks. I got tired quickly, no matter how much I eat or how consistent my workout is, even in the times when I do not work that hard. Ramadan, although making me joyful as usual, but we started to do “buka bareng” and tarawih in the mosque. “Mudik” was also not giving me a refreshing feeling, as people are no longer can wait to gather with their family. Getting the tickets was a hustle, not to mention the trips with a packed train or plane. 

With the rest of the energy, I crawled into September, and just like what I have written here, I eventually knocked out much earlier than I expected. 


Okay, this is a lot different than what I planned to write, lol. 

What I actually wanted to say was, I do not want to sugarcoat everything. Skip all those motivational and inspiring quotes, when sh*t happens in your life, it just happened. There is nothing you can do right at the incident time, other than accept and surrender. Just like how you swim in the ocean:

Trying to swim against a rip current will only use up your energy; energy you need to survive and escape the rip current. Do NOT try to swim directly into to shore. Swim along the shoreline until you escape the current's pull. When free from the pull of the current, swim at an angle away from the current toward shore. – US National Weather Service 

Thus, I guess that this is the first progress I made during 2022. I learned to accept, surrender, and let go faster than in the last few years; and I believe it contributes to “the better life” I am currently building. To be fair, I did not have many energy to journal, but whenever I pushed myself to write, I kind of release negative energy from my body. With the help of guided sleep meditation, I can sleep a bit more peacefully; and one of the biggest wins of the year was meeting a psychologist whose vibe align with my prayers along the years. 

On the other hand, a much more visible progress which I can be proud of, can bee seen in my career journey. There is a slight uncomfortable feeling I am experiencing as I am writing this, probably because as a woman I am raised to not acknowledging my achievements straightforwardly, but anyways.. after dozens of applications, I went to several important interviews, and landed one job in a relatively quick time. When I asked my network to share the news that I am searching for a job, they helped without any doubt; and I got recommendations from anywhere. 

On top of everything, I came to the end of year accomplishing one book draft, yay! After leaving my blog idle for two years, I am glad that I still be able to pour my experiences and thoughts into pages of writing. However, to be honest, I am not satisfied with the result, so I am entering the phase of reflection and consideration to transform it into a different form of writing. Based on the wisdom of publishing two previous books, I want to take it more slowly this time, although if I can launch it at the Ubud Writers & Readers Festival 2023, that will be awesome!

Initially I thought that I will close this year with a ready-to-submit application for PhD, or an establishment certificate of my own foundation, but Allah is the best scenario writer. Valerie in her podcast, The Mindful Babe, said that sometimes you do not get what you manifest simply because God knows better that it is not what you NEED. This year I wanted to be in control of many things, only to realize that I focused too much on the outcome but neglecting the action and implementation. 

Therefore, my theme for 2023 will be UNLEARN, UPSKILL, and RESKILL. I am more than ready to empty my cup, grasp more meaningful lessons from inspiring people, and walk step by step… to be arrived in December 2023 with a solid plan in my hand, whether it is to really pursue Ph.D, or take a certification in community engagement, event organizing, public relations, or human resources management. 

I embarked on my journey in 2022 feeling like have to force things in order to obtain something, but as I close the pages, I comprehend that sometimes, all you can do is open to God and trust the divine timing. Laa hawla walaa quwwata illa billah. 

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