Monday Journal #10 & #11

I’m back! Dua minggu terakhir saya seperti sedang menaiki roller-coaster yang tidak henti-hentinya mengejutkan saya dengan tanjakan dan turunan yang curam. Namun begitu, hari ini merupakan awal dari minggu yang baru dan eventually saya bersyukur atas segala apa yang terjadi. Saya manusia biasa yang bisa jatuh terpuruk, dan di saat-saat itulah saya hanya mampu berkata lirih, “Ya Allah, I want Your justice”. Sungguh, saya sama sekali tidak merasa pantas mendapatkan keadilan dari-Nya, tetapi jika bukan kepada-Nya saya mengadu, kepada siapa lagi?

Semuanya berawal pada hari Selasa, 5 Maret. Sesuatu terjadi hingga membuat saya melupakan ulang tahun adik saya. Sebenarnya saya sempat menulis sedikit pada hari Kamis, 8 Maret; tapi saya tidak sanggup melanjutkannya. Berikut nukilannya.

As a girl who promises to always see the sunshine even in the darkest storm, first thing first let me say “Alhamdulillah” for everything that happened during last week*. Finally, my prayer has been answered, and once again I have to remind myself that this is the best thing that Allah gives to me right now. He knows what I don’t know, He sees what I don’t see. “Innaka anta ‘allamul ghuyub”.

*Karena saya bermaksud mem-post tulisan ini pada hari Senin, 11 Maret.

However, there were some good things and bad things about the ‘accident’. The bad thing was: sadly, I didn’t ‘celebrate’ Nyepi in Bali, and I had to cancel my plan to go to Singaraja. I am glad that my travel buddy (found her in Facebook group, OMG!) was so understanding; but now I have to set another time to go to Singaraja. Last week was perfect for me because my ngaji student also having their Nyepi holiday, and my weekends ahead will be full with teaching, writing, and preparing Ubud Food Festival. And then Ramadan comes! MasyaAllah. Terus aku kapaaan liburannyaaaaa.

The good thing, he launched ‘the bomb’ on Tuesday. That day my team were busy announcing the theme for Ubud Writers & Readers Festival 2019, and we were so ecstatic. His message burst out among the positive feedback; yet still my face got pale instantly, my hands and feet felt so cold, then I ran to my office backyard… crying for one hour straight. Some of my office mates came and hugged me, then they asked me to book the ticket right away. They encouraged me to go home because it will be too depressing for me to be in Bali at Nyepi. As the bus ticket has been sold out (of course), I bought any earliest train ticket from Banyuwangi to Malang, and searched for information on how I could get out from Bali before the gates closed on Wednesday evening. I am truly blessed to have my office mates, my boss, and my General Manager because they were like, “it’s okay, we can take care of this, you may take care of yourself”. So yeah, even though it took me almost 36 hours, I eventually arrived at my home in Malang. Alhamdulillah!!!

I am sad and shock that the decision has been made at last. Me and the guy I was in love with will no longer have any chance to be together, even though I begged Allah for giving me time to pray until Ramadan. But this is the outcome that makes it easier for me to move forward. I chose to let go a best friend than losing myself, and I am happy to do it. 

Readers Who Write: My Earliest Piece of Creative Writing

Today I am going to bring you for some throwbacks as the question is…

What is the earliest piece of creative writing you can remember starting? Was it a poem, short story, novel, etc.? What was it about? Did you finish the first draft?

I started journaling when I was so little. My mom works full time and usually will be home at 4-5PM, so she asked me to write any activities that I do before she arrives. Basically my diary contained with story of my day, including what I have learned at school and the television series that I watch while waiting for her.

Oh that’s not creative writing. Right. Hahaha. Okay so my first piece of writings was… poem. Yes, I wrote a lot of it! Long ones. I joined some writing competitions during elementary school, and there were times I got rejected because my poem was too long. I don’t remember who were my muses, but I remember I wrote a lot about politics. Iyaaa, beneraaan. I wrote about how we can be a better Indonesian citizen, stuffs like that.

Some years later, I switched to essays because it gives me more space to express my thoughts. Yet, my words were ‘flowery’ when Taufik Ismail read my writing in a competition, he said I should write poems instead. But I never really learn how to write, those years my writings were so raw it came straight from my mind and unedited. My library teacher as the editor only helped picking up the correct words from Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia – that’s why Kamus and Dictionary become two of my most favorite books ever since.

In 2009, I began to blog and realized it’s a good medium to publish my writings. I can write everything as I like, and I used Tumblr that time. In 2011, I founded a blog named HeloKim, and this is something I want to share you about. HeloKim was built based on my thesis about foreign football players, and I posted most of the writings there using one person POV. So this Korean football player, I gave him name JH Kim, telling his daily life stories on the blog. I covered some topics from habits and culture of Korean, his difficulties in trying to survive in Indonesia, until his love life. Turned out, some people think JH Kim is a real person, and sent me emails! I was surprised and it motivated me to transform it into a novel draft.

The blog header, sorry if it's cheesy. 😅

However, it’s been EIGHT years now (Oh my God) and I haven’t finished it yet. I am too clueless to keep writing. I don’t know how to start over again, I also don’t have any idea about the ending. All I can imagine is the characters (because it is based on true story). Unfortunately, although experienced the stories myself, this ‘JH Kim’ and I didn’t have any ending. We just… stopped talking. Lha kalau aku bikin akhirnya begitu, bisa dikeplak pembaca ye kan?

It’s been my biggest dream to accomplish it, and I really wish there will be a production house who wants to bring it into movie (talking about DREAM). Only this year might not be the best time for it, I can’t recall where I put the draft ((-_-)). Perhaps next year I will be back to this project, get some senses of football matches and Korean culture. This, will not only be one of the highest achievement in my writing ‘career’, but also perpetuates my memories with some people who changed my mind about love and life. So… stay tune!

Lots of love,

Prima     

Readers Who Write: Favorite Book as a Child

Apart of Monday Journal #9, please be aware that I also write another blog series called “Readers Who Write”, and this is my third submission:

What was your favorite book as a child? Would you give it as an age-appropriate present? Why or why not?

When I was a child, I have profound memories with two book series: Sesame Street and Widya Wiyata Pertama Anak – Mengapa Begini Mengapa Begitu. I didn’t have complete series but I have a shelf full with the books. Right now when I browse the images from Google, I feel the warmth… oh, how those days are so full of happiness – look at me now, I have been single for the last EIGHT years, have a miserable life as deadlines and so on and so forth are chasing. What.a.life. #lahcurhat

Anyway, I think my mom understand since the beginning that I am an active child. I like to do a lot of activities at school, I make friends easily, and I cannot stop talking. So my mom had to find a book to make me stay quiet for some hours, i.e. when I came home from kindergarten/elementary school and I have to wait for my mom finished working. The book doesn’t only have to give me insightful knowledge (because I like being smart, ha ha), but also give me meaningful perspective about life. So both series ticked the needs.

Monday Journal #9

Sabtu pagi dalam perjalanan ke kantor untuk lembur, saya melangitkan doa, “Ya Allah, tolong beri aku semangat untuk hidup”. Saya tidak sedang berbohong. Saya mencintai pekerjaan saya; berbahagia karena sudah terpisah jarak dengan beberapa orang yang kerap menyakiti saya; dan mulai bisa menerima kenyataan bahwa inilah skenario terbaik yang Allah tetapkan untuk saya sekarang. Tentu ada alasan mengapa semua yang saya harapkan atau rencanakan sepanjang bulan Desember-Januari lalu gagal (atau mendekati gagal – atau belum berhasil), dan toh Bali is not a bad idea. Iya kalau misalnya saya terpaksa berada di Timbuktu (itu dimana sih?) atau pelosok Papua Nugini misalnya, wajar jika saya mengeluh. Lha ini saya menjadi bagian dalam festival sastra (dan kuliner) terbesar di Asia Tenggara – yang mana kantornya punya pemandangan nan indah, lalu pulang kerja atau akhir pekan saya mengajar ngaji. Kalau mau liburan, tempat wisata di Bali bejibun. Apa sih yang kurang dalam hidup saya?

Minggu lalu, saya belajar satu hal: bahwa kebahagiaan bukan berarti hilangnya kesedihan sama sekali. Kebahagiaan adalah ketika kita mampu menerima dan bersyukur atas apapun yang terjadi; dan kesedihan itu akan selalu ada karena yang namanya hidup enggak mungkin enak doang. But when we are ‘happy’, we consider the sadness is a ‘beautiful’ addition in life. Also, life can’t be bad alllll the time, right?

However, at this point, I can’t see things beyond this year. Kalau ada orang yang bertanya, apakah saya akan terus di Ubud, saya akan jawab tidak tahu. Kalau dilanjutkan dengan pertanyaan, apa yang akan saya lakukan tahun depan, saya akan jawab tidak tahu. I simply don’t have any plan, and some parts of me mad at myself to not have any spirit to plan. Halah, ribet. Intinya, saya sedang kesal sama diri sendiri yang seperti tidak punya motivasi untuk menjalani hidup ke depannya. Yang ada di pikiran saya adalah menjalani hari demi hari, besok? Lihat besok.

Padahal saya sadar bahwa dunia ini punya begitu banyak masalah, dan apakah saya hanya akan menjadi manusia yang berprinsip ‘urip mung mampir ngopi’ (dan bahkan saya bukan peminum kopi)? Sejak saya ikut kegiatannya One Island One Voice: Bali’s Biggest Clean Up pertengahan Februari lalu, saya terus menerus kepikiran tentang sampah di muka bumi. Itu belum termasuk isu RUU PKS, dan dengan demikian saya berpikiran, bagaimana caranya untuk membuka wawasan para muslimah muda tentang hal-hal yang penting untuk diperbincangkan? I don’t want us to be ignorant. Apa kita harus puas jika dilahirkan ke bumi ini, lalu pergi tanpa berusaha mengubah bumi ini menjadi tempat yang lebih baik? What’s MY legacy for the world?

Readers Who Write: What I Listen To When I Write

Okay, the next question is...

Do you prefer silence, music or other sounds when you write? Does your preference change depending upon what you're writing?

I have dealt with varied situations that making me realized there is no such thing as the ‘perfect’ writing environment. However, I can only start a writing in complete silence (a bit of noisy sounds is okay, though). Once I got the ‘shape’ of what I want to write, then I can listen to my favorite playlist, usually contains any easy listening songs that popular recently. If I have my wudu, I will listen to Quran recitation, most of the time it’s Fatih Seferagic because his voice is a bit louder and clearer than any other qari’.

When I work – as basically my works require me to write, I prefer to not listening anything in the morning. It is because my brain has been full with my to-do list that day, so I need to shut it up and focus. Approaching the lunch time, if I got stuck, I will listen to classical songs. Really, I am not kidding. Then after lunch, I will listen to any upbeat songs that played on YouTube randomly for 1-2 hours.

What I was thinking in couple last days is, unfortunately I cannot write (or read) and listen to podcast at the same time. Perhaps because podcast ‘forces’ us to process the information thoroughly, unlike music that can be played as we work on anything else. So then, I listen to podcast when I am at the gym or my room.

In the other side, I do recommend you to listen to Quran recitation when you work. It doesn’t only help you to concentrate, but you can also memorize Quran faster. I was just aware of this some days ago, as the imam recited Ar-Rahman, I can follow him seamlessly! MasyaAllah.

What about you? What kind of music you listen to when you write?

Love,
Prima

Readers Who Write: 3 Most Recent Books I've Acquired

Hi everyone! I can’t believe it’s already MARCH yet I still feel like December last year. After taking two months break from real work (at the office I mean…); my brain needs to adapt with office hours, sitting and facing laptop the whole day, then going back to my room with nothing important to do… Well, I have been wondering what I should write this year, of course I want to start writing another book. The project of ‘Antologi Ramadan 2019’ has been postponed because I am considering ideas, topics, contributors, and I even think about the launch etc. Anyhow, this time I plan to make it much better than my previous book, and I am eager to create an unforgettable experience for everyone who takes part in it. But the most urgent thing to do, is to practice writing again and again. I feel like I haven’t found ‘me’ – but it’s actually good to know I still can write a long post like this post last week. I have been starting to read more books since I arrived in Bali just to get some senses. Then I found this blog post about “30 Day Post Challenge for Readers Who Write”, and I was like… “let’s do this!”   

So, within this month I will answer some questions to show my love on books and whatsoever every two days. It is due to my limited English skill (ha ha), I can only response to questions that I understand completely (and I know how to write a good answer as well). I will also choose it randomly, depends on my mood (hehe). But this is the stuff I need to melemaskan jari dan memaksa otak untuk berpikir.

The very first question is…

What are the three most recent books you've acquired? What inspired you to buy them? Where/how did you get them?

Since the question doesn’t explicitly ask if I READ those books, and if I don’t count the books that I got from my office’ library, hmmm, I will be honest with you guys. Before I went to Bali, I bought three books:

1. H. Rusydi Hamka – Pribadi dan Martabat Buya Hamka
2. Quraish Shihab – Islam yang Saya Anut: Dasar-Dasar Ajaran Islam
3. Yasmin Mogahed – Love & Happiness

Unfortunately, from 3 books above, I have only read the last one. I haven’t even unwrapping the first one, lol. The reason was because, I was indeed looking for a nonfiction book in religious genre, but then I lost my mood to read it. Also, Quraish Shihab's explanation is really heavy (the reviews said that this book is the first one of the series), so it’s not the kind of book that I can read in casual manner. I have to make special time to read and comprehend it page by page. That’s why I don’t bother to bring the book to Bali (but I bring the ‘Buya Hamka’ book). I forgot where I bought the ‘Buya Hamka’, but if I am not mistaken, I bought the second and third book at Gramedia Royal Plaza – in one of those nights where I spend it with Tita and we were boring so we were like, “let’s go to the mall”. Hahaha, girls. I finished the ‘Yasmin Mogahed’ book in the train to Sidoarjo to visit Vinka. It’s full of quotes about love and happiness (for sure). The pages are not really connected to each other, so you will feel like jump from one quote to another. But it doesn’t matter anyway, you still can feel related to any quotes inside the book. You can check my Instagram post for this book, here.

I aim to obtain more Islamic insights from these books as I need to establish my book – that will be ‘another Islamic book’. However, just like Perjalanan Menuju Cahaya, I want broader audience to enjoy it as well. Thus, I was thinking to read an Islamic book that gives me ‘new’ perspective on how to be a good Muslim, in the lightest way if possible. I haven’t read any writing of Buya Hamka – sadly – but yes, indeed I have heard about him many times. That’s why I bought these books. Anyway, it’s not that I am saying that the ‘Quraish Shihab’ book disappointing me, I still want to read it one day. But for now, I might be looking for more 'easy' book. Got any recommendations?

Love,
Prima