10 Quran Verses to Relieve Your Broken Heart

He’s not my type of man, at least from his physique. He is handsome and has fit body – two qualities of men which usually make me feel insecure. Ya eyalah, secara muka pas-pasan, pakai baju kadang serampangan, lipstik sering ketinggalan, apalagi bedak – sudah sejak lama terlupakan. Sadar diri ya tho~ But then we exchanged our books, and we talked. If it isn’t obvious by now, I have been always attracted to smart guys and he is one of those guys who can get me like “oh really?” everytime he tells me something new. That time he worked as a political journalist and lecturer, so I got encouraged to read more. He often asking me questions about Islam, and my automatic response be like, “wait, let me browse for a more trustworthy insight”. Sadly, not too long after our introduction, his mom condition got worse. Then I booked the flight ticket to Jakarta in July… without knowing that it was the first and last time I met his mom. That trip made me realized there is something really interesting about him. Soon after I arrived in Bali, he asked me to collaborate for a project. And I was like… “yaaah, ini mah friendzone.” *nangis di pojokan* 

Still, I joined the project because the purpose is good. I also tried to resist my feeling because I am questioning myself. Being with him means accepting his mom as well, and I was doubtful if I could give my best. It was in my nature because I am not even close with my mom. Eventually, I ‘proposed’ him in the end of September because there was one and only thing I chased: the reward from Allah. This, sparked arguments between me and the girl who introduced us. She couldn’t take the idea of me turning down my dreams to accompany him. Well, he rejected my proposal though. I moved forward with my life… until his mom passed away last month. I was sad for not having more opportunities to get to know his mom. That night on the train to Jakarta, I texted my best friend, “what if I cry in front of him?” She said, “don’t! You’ll make him sadder. Give him a lot of smile, I know you can make him happy.” And I was proud of myself to successfully hold my tears for one week. 

However, at one point, I realized I don’t merely like him. I love him because I am happy when he is happy, and I want the best for him. His corny jokes made me giggling, and being away from him tortured me. I know we haven’t done a lot of stuffs together but even if we have limited chances, it’s always high-quality time (I liked it the most when we went to the mosques). And I think that he is grateful to have me around…

…or at least that’s what I believed in. 

Because ultimately I feel like I am trapped in this situation while wondering if I can be with someone else without 'feeling guilty'. If he doesn’t see me in his future (and I should have seen it from the very beginning), I have to set the limit. I can’t see him as ‘just a friend’ – poor me – yet days by days, people start to associate me and him. My biggest concern, I am worry that IF one day I meet Allah, He will angry to me saying, “claim your rewards to him because your intention in doing good is not Me but him”.

So this is it, I decided to keep the distance. I am brokenhearted, and I am not sure if this is the correct thing to do. Can’t you just maintain the friendship? – no I can’t (at least for now). As I said, and I meant it, I am happy when he is happy even if it’s without me. But I have to protect my heart too. I can’t force him to have any specific feeling towards me because that’s not how things should be. I want to let him pursuing whatever he is up to, and I can only pray for him. I can’t blame him for the pain I am feeling – what I can do is minimizing my expectation to the lowest. 

Of course it’s easier to be said than done. I felt numb. At times like this, I really thankful for my office mates because they are crazy – also our space was just being renovated so we were busy with moving stuffs and cleaning up. But when I got back to my room in the evening, I stared at my phone and had the urge to text him. I played these three songs continuously: I Don’t Love You – Urban Zakapa, Unrequited Love – Yuna, and Buka Hati – Yura Yunita; yet Alquran brought peace to my mind instantly. Therefore, I think it’s better if I gathered those Quran verses which have soothed my heart, just in case you are experiencing the same thing right now (but I pray that you don’t):

1. Q.S. Al-Baqarah (2): 216

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

2. Q.S. An-Nazi’at (79): 40 – 41

But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from [unlawful] inclination, // Then indeed, Paradise will be [his] refuge.

3. Q.S. Al-Baqarah (2): 284

To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth. Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it. Then He will forgive whom He wills and punish whom He wills, and Allah is over all things competent.

4. Q.S. Ibrahim (14): 34

And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favor of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful.

5. Q.S. Al-Kahfi (18): 28

And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect.

6. Q.S. Az-Zumar (39): 53

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

7. Q.S. Yunus (10): 57

O mankind, there has to come to you instruction from your Lord and healing for what is in the breasts and guidance and mercy for the believers. [It speaks about Alquran]

8. Q.S. Adh-Dhuha (93): 3

Your Lord has not taken leave of you, [O Muhammad], nor has He detested [you].

9. Q.S. Asy-Sura (42): 30

And whatever strikes you of disaster - it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.

10. Q.S. Al-Fatihah (1): 3

The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful,

Surely there are far many verses that will relate with the case, but I chose some which remind me that: 

• Allah is the Greatest, if He can guard the universe, then He can send my spouse to my life in no time.
• It’s just He wants to test me for the sake of my goodness. Maybe I do have committed a lot of sins in the process of ‘acquiring’ him to be my husband. So I need to let go, fix my heart, improve myself, and start all over again. 
• He knows better than me. He sees what I can’t see, and He is protecting me from cases that (perhaps) will be much more painful if only he really becomes my husband. 
• He has given me things before I asked. Period. Let me repeat it: He has given me things before I asked. Should I spend more time in complaining for things I haven’t got, than being grateful for things already in my hands?
• He is the highest and the purest form of love, and He already loves us before anyone else. Should I betray him? 

The only relationship where you will never have your heart broken is your relationship with Allah.

I usually cut the connection with the men after failed dates. But with this guy, it is so HARD to do because I do really care about him. Hopefully someday we can talk again without me being too attached to him, or if it never happens, I believe Allah will give us something much better. If someone breaks your heart recently, please know that with every lost will be replaced, and hold onto Allah so that He will give you something more fit for your life (aamiin). Trust Him!

Warmest hugs,

Prima