I’m back! Dua minggu terakhir saya seperti sedang menaiki roller-coaster yang tidak henti-hentinya mengejutkan saya dengan tanjakan dan turunan yang curam. Namun begitu, hari ini merupakan awal dari minggu yang baru dan eventually saya bersyukur atas segala apa yang terjadi. Saya manusia biasa yang bisa jatuh terpuruk, dan di saat-saat itulah saya hanya mampu berkata lirih, “Ya Allah, I want Your justice”. Sungguh, saya sama sekali tidak merasa pantas mendapatkan keadilan dari-Nya, tetapi jika bukan kepada-Nya saya mengadu, kepada siapa lagi?
Semuanya berawal pada hari Selasa, 5 Maret. Sesuatu terjadi hingga membuat saya melupakan ulang tahun adik saya. Sebenarnya saya sempat menulis sedikit pada hari Kamis, 8 Maret; tapi saya tidak sanggup melanjutkannya. Berikut nukilannya.
As a girl who promises to always see the sunshine even in the darkest storm, first thing first let me say “Alhamdulillah” for everything that happened during last week*. Finally, my prayer has been answered, and once again I have to remind myself that this is the best thing that Allah gives to me right now. He knows what I don’t know, He sees what I don’t see. “Innaka anta ‘allamul ghuyub”.
*Karena saya bermaksud mem-post tulisan ini pada hari Senin, 11 Maret.
However, there were some good things and bad things about the ‘accident’. The bad thing was: sadly, I didn’t ‘celebrate’ Nyepi in Bali, and I had to cancel my plan to go to Singaraja. I am glad that my travel buddy (found her in Facebook group, OMG!) was so understanding; but now I have to set another time to go to Singaraja. Last week was perfect for me because my ngaji student also having their Nyepi holiday, and my weekends ahead will be full with teaching, writing, and preparing Ubud Food Festival. And then Ramadan comes! MasyaAllah. Terus aku kapaaan liburannyaaaaa.
The good thing, he launched ‘the bomb’ on Tuesday. That day my team were busy announcing the theme for Ubud Writers & Readers Festival 2019, and we were so ecstatic. His message burst out among the positive feedback; yet still my face got pale instantly, my hands and feet felt so cold, then I ran to my office backyard… crying for one hour straight. Some of my office mates came and hugged me, then they asked me to book the ticket right away. They encouraged me to go home because it will be too depressing for me to be in Bali at Nyepi. As the bus ticket has been sold out (of course), I bought any earliest train ticket from Banyuwangi to Malang, and searched for information on how I could get out from Bali before the gates closed on Wednesday evening. I am truly blessed to have my office mates, my boss, and my General Manager because they were like, “it’s okay, we can take care of this, you may take care of yourself”. So yeah, even though it took me almost 36 hours, I eventually arrived at my home in Malang. Alhamdulillah!!!
I am sad and shock that the decision has been made at last. Me and the guy I was in love with will no longer have any chance to be together, even though I begged Allah for giving me time to pray until Ramadan. But this is the outcome that makes it easier for me to move forward. I chose to let go a best friend than losing myself, and I am happy to do it.
Lalu, apa yang terjadi selama di Malang? Saya menangisssss sampai mata bengkak; merajuk kepada ayah dan ibu; dan tidur sepuasnya. Memang saya curhat kepada para sahabat (dan saya sangat-sangat bersyukur bahwa mereka semua berada di pihak saya), tetapi tidak banyak yang mereka katakan yang dapat membuat saya tersenyum. Sampai salah satu sahabat di Malang memaksa saya keluar rumah untuk menonton Captain Marvel. Saya suka banget sama filmnya sampai nonton dua kali! Hihi. Lalu sesudah saya bisa ‘menguasai diri’, saya memutuskan kembali ke Bali pada hari Sabtu sore dikarenakan perjalanan darat yang harus saya tempuh sangatlah melelahkan. Pikir saya, kalau hari Minggu sudah di Bali kan saya bisa bobok sepuasnya (lagi).
Terrrnyata, ada kejadian lain yang jeng jeng, membuat hidup saya berbalik 180 derajat. Kalau hari Selasa itu saya menangis karena sedih, kesal, marah, dan kecewa; hari ini saya menangis karena bahagia. Hahaha. Memang rumus dalam hidup itu cuma satu kok: manage your expectation, because expectations may lead to disappointment. Dan kemarin itu saya enggak punya ekspektasi apa-apa, hingga seseorang ini melakukan sesuatu yang membuat saya berpikir, “Allah tuh baik banget sama kamu, Prim!”
Okay, sooo I installed Tinder. Sumpah iseng banget, secara deep down inside my heart saya sudah tahu enggak akan ada yang men-swipe right saya (apalagi di Bali dengan ‘kostum’ saya yang begini, ye kan)… sampai saya ngobrol sama dua orang lelaki (iyaaa, yang match sampai sekarang beneran cuma sedikit, huhu). Yang satu tadinya udah mau bela-belain motoran dari Kuta ke Ubud tapi ada miscommunication jadi batal ketemu; dan saya agak nyesel soalnya dia ganteng (lah). Tapi itu first match dan saya pikir ya nanti mungkin akan ada lagi lelakikhilaf yang men-swipe right saya. Beneran ada, dan setelah ngobrol via WhatsApp seharian hari Senin, 4 Maret, saya meninggalkan dia begitu saja ke Malang. Hahahahaha. Saya jujur ke dia kalau saya lagi patah hati berat, and you know what Pemirsaaa, entah dapat bisikan dari mana, dia ngebatalin tiket pulangnya hari Jumat, 8 Maret, demi nunggu saya balik ke Bali!!!
Long story short, we met and talked and he keep extending his visit in Bali, until today morning when he finally had to go back to his office. Something about us that you might want to know, we didn’t jump into a relationship right away, but he really really boosted my confidence. Tadinya saya pikir, “nanti kalau enggak nyambung ngobrolnya, aku mau kabur aja terus aku block”. Ternyata kami ngobrol dari pagi sampai malam, and dear, he treated me like a princess. I know you guys must be thinking, “Prima kok berani ketemu orang dari Tinder endebre endebre”, but he was just so nice it makes me almost believed that it’s just too good to be true. Menyimak impiannya dan cerita perjalanannya membuat saya teringat hal-hal yang ingin saya bangun di masa depan. Dia membuat saya bangkit dan menyadari bahwa diri saya berharga dengan segala kelebihan dan kekurangan saya. At last, he reminded me that I deserve to be loved.
Teringat saya akan sebuah kutipan yang tadinya saya peruntukkan bagi lelaki yang telah mematahkan hati saya, [“I am a firm believer of serendipity - all the random pieces coming together in one wonderful moment, when suddenly you see what their purpose was all along.” – David Levithan]. Kali ini saya peruntukkan kutipan ini bagi dia, sahabat baru saya. I will be forever thankful that Allah sent you to me in one of my most vulnerable moments. You were the rainbow that came after the storm, and I hope one day our path will cross again.
Lots of happiness,
Prima
Semuanya berawal pada hari Selasa, 5 Maret. Sesuatu terjadi hingga membuat saya melupakan ulang tahun adik saya. Sebenarnya saya sempat menulis sedikit pada hari Kamis, 8 Maret; tapi saya tidak sanggup melanjutkannya. Berikut nukilannya.
As a girl who promises to always see the sunshine even in the darkest storm, first thing first let me say “Alhamdulillah” for everything that happened during last week*. Finally, my prayer has been answered, and once again I have to remind myself that this is the best thing that Allah gives to me right now. He knows what I don’t know, He sees what I don’t see. “Innaka anta ‘allamul ghuyub”.
*Karena saya bermaksud mem-post tulisan ini pada hari Senin, 11 Maret.
However, there were some good things and bad things about the ‘accident’. The bad thing was: sadly, I didn’t ‘celebrate’ Nyepi in Bali, and I had to cancel my plan to go to Singaraja. I am glad that my travel buddy (found her in Facebook group, OMG!) was so understanding; but now I have to set another time to go to Singaraja. Last week was perfect for me because my ngaji student also having their Nyepi holiday, and my weekends ahead will be full with teaching, writing, and preparing Ubud Food Festival. And then Ramadan comes! MasyaAllah. Terus aku kapaaan liburannyaaaaa.
The good thing, he launched ‘the bomb’ on Tuesday. That day my team were busy announcing the theme for Ubud Writers & Readers Festival 2019, and we were so ecstatic. His message burst out among the positive feedback; yet still my face got pale instantly, my hands and feet felt so cold, then I ran to my office backyard… crying for one hour straight. Some of my office mates came and hugged me, then they asked me to book the ticket right away. They encouraged me to go home because it will be too depressing for me to be in Bali at Nyepi. As the bus ticket has been sold out (of course), I bought any earliest train ticket from Banyuwangi to Malang, and searched for information on how I could get out from Bali before the gates closed on Wednesday evening. I am truly blessed to have my office mates, my boss, and my General Manager because they were like, “it’s okay, we can take care of this, you may take care of yourself”. So yeah, even though it took me almost 36 hours, I eventually arrived at my home in Malang. Alhamdulillah!!!
I am sad and shock that the decision has been made at last. Me and the guy I was in love with will no longer have any chance to be together, even though I begged Allah for giving me time to pray until Ramadan. But this is the outcome that makes it easier for me to move forward. I chose to let go a best friend than losing myself, and I am happy to do it.
Lalu, apa yang terjadi selama di Malang? Saya menangisssss sampai mata bengkak; merajuk kepada ayah dan ibu; dan tidur sepuasnya. Memang saya curhat kepada para sahabat (dan saya sangat-sangat bersyukur bahwa mereka semua berada di pihak saya), tetapi tidak banyak yang mereka katakan yang dapat membuat saya tersenyum. Sampai salah satu sahabat di Malang memaksa saya keluar rumah untuk menonton Captain Marvel. Saya suka banget sama filmnya sampai nonton dua kali! Hihi. Lalu sesudah saya bisa ‘menguasai diri’, saya memutuskan kembali ke Bali pada hari Sabtu sore dikarenakan perjalanan darat yang harus saya tempuh sangatlah melelahkan. Pikir saya, kalau hari Minggu sudah di Bali kan saya bisa bobok sepuasnya (lagi).
Terrrnyata, ada kejadian lain yang jeng jeng, membuat hidup saya berbalik 180 derajat. Kalau hari Selasa itu saya menangis karena sedih, kesal, marah, dan kecewa; hari ini saya menangis karena bahagia. Hahaha. Memang rumus dalam hidup itu cuma satu kok: manage your expectation, because expectations may lead to disappointment. Dan kemarin itu saya enggak punya ekspektasi apa-apa, hingga seseorang ini melakukan sesuatu yang membuat saya berpikir, “Allah tuh baik banget sama kamu, Prim!”
Okay, sooo I installed Tinder. Sumpah iseng banget, secara deep down inside my heart saya sudah tahu enggak akan ada yang men-swipe right saya (apalagi di Bali dengan ‘kostum’ saya yang begini, ye kan)… sampai saya ngobrol sama dua orang lelaki (iyaaa, yang match sampai sekarang beneran cuma sedikit, huhu). Yang satu tadinya udah mau bela-belain motoran dari Kuta ke Ubud tapi ada miscommunication jadi batal ketemu; dan saya agak nyesel soalnya dia ganteng (lah). Tapi itu first match dan saya pikir ya nanti mungkin akan ada lagi lelaki
Long story short, we met and talked and he keep extending his visit in Bali, until today morning when he finally had to go back to his office. Something about us that you might want to know, we didn’t jump into a relationship right away, but he really really boosted my confidence. Tadinya saya pikir, “nanti kalau enggak nyambung ngobrolnya, aku mau kabur aja terus aku block”. Ternyata kami ngobrol dari pagi sampai malam, and dear, he treated me like a princess. I know you guys must be thinking, “Prima kok berani ketemu orang dari Tinder endebre endebre”, but he was just so nice it makes me almost believed that it’s just too good to be true. Menyimak impiannya dan cerita perjalanannya membuat saya teringat hal-hal yang ingin saya bangun di masa depan. Dia membuat saya bangkit dan menyadari bahwa diri saya berharga dengan segala kelebihan dan kekurangan saya. At last, he reminded me that I deserve to be loved.
Teringat saya akan sebuah kutipan yang tadinya saya peruntukkan bagi lelaki yang telah mematahkan hati saya, [“I am a firm believer of serendipity - all the random pieces coming together in one wonderful moment, when suddenly you see what their purpose was all along.” – David Levithan]. Kali ini saya peruntukkan kutipan ini bagi dia, sahabat baru saya. I will be forever thankful that Allah sent you to me in one of my most vulnerable moments. You were the rainbow that came after the storm, and I hope one day our path will cross again.
Lots of happiness,
Prima
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