Let Her Go

I know, I know that on my blog post some days ago, I wrote that I will stop blogging for a while, especially to focus on my final test. But then, this morning I read this blog post of Kak Leija and I can't help but think. Last night was like those usual nights, talking with my roommate, in the dark...when I finally cried in silence as I didn't want my roommate knew it.

Some of these weeks, as I have written here, I have asked A LOT to Allah, even much more than I usually do. I begged Him for the scholarship paid soon (because I have went to this and that office but it still doesn't works), I asked Him to allows me to work here and there, being a participant here and there... 

Until some days ago, I got a call and suddenly everything doesn't matters anymore. 

It was my mom, asked my permission for something.

I haven't gave her my answer yet. I still can't decide 'yes' or 'no'. I really want to respond, "is my permission matter for you?" but from the bottom of my heart, I'm afraid if the answer is "no, but I just want to know." 

My mom's happiness is what matters the most for me, but I doubt that I ever make her happy for all of my lifetime. 

And now I have to let her go.

What should I do?