5 Things I Have Took for Granted Before Coronavirus (Part 1)

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“But actually, you don’t really get affected by this Coronavirus, right?” 

My writing mentor asked me in a video call on Tuesday evening, as she would give me some suggestions on what to do during this pandemic times. I am thinking for a few seconds, and I nodded in doubt. 

I am currently working as a Personal Assistant. While my boss’ business is basically not operating in this moment (she has some ventures in tourism field), she still asks me to come whenever possible, then we will arrange work matters for 4-5 hours a day. Being a businesswoman for years, she is trying to be in the regular busy state even if our movement is a lot limited these days. 

So why do myself feel like tired all the time, even when my working hours has been cut to almost half - and supposedly allow me to rest more? 

One of the main reasons is, I hate uncertainty.

I hate not knowing what I am facing, yet when I read more about the things that going on, I still hate it because I still don’t know when it will be quit.

When I was on Tinder last year, I was totally fine if I met a jerk. I know for sure things won’t be continued even if it’s just a friendship. However, when I found myself spending time with a “nice” guy who treated me like a princess but then suddenly ghosted me or blocked me, I feel suffocated. 

“What did I do wrong? What should I do to make things get better?”

And I could never find the answer.

When the news about Coronavirus blown up in Indonesia in early March (we are always late, as usual), I was being grumpy for some days. Since February, I have imagined that I will spend Good Friday holiday shopping at Chatuchak Market, cruising on the Chaophraya river, and riding the train for a day trip to Ayutthaya... I have planned the journey as a gift to myself because I have finished my novel draft. But all of the sudden, I decided to not going to the mall again, canceled my gym membership, and ended up crying in a weekend. 

Fast forward to Silence Day which was extended, I prepared myself with pile of books, as well as loads of snacks and fruits. It was my first time celebrating Silence Day in Bali, and  despite the fact that I was indeed amazed by the sky full of bright stars (my friend captured the milky way as you can see here), I couldn’t even brace myself to stay in a hotel where there are too many people I don’t know.

And after two days completely not going anywhere, I was glad that I still sane. 

“Prima, it was just two days! We’ve been in lockdown for more than ten days!”

Relax, my European fellas. I cannot pretend that I know how you feel because I don’t. But, look. Since I decided to write this book in the second week of January, I have been particularly spending almost ninety percent of my spare time in my room. I have been so fed up with my day pyjamas and my home-working space, I even hate seeing my pantry until I bought some lavenders in the pot to spice it up a bit. It doesn’t work, the lavenders is now crawling to death as it complies my mental breakdown.

Only on one of those days (we start to forget the days and dates I assume), when I tried to water my lavenders at my room terrace, I finally realised that there are some things I took for granted during the normal days. Correction, so many! And among those many, I chose five that, for me, most essentials. Let’s see if we have same thoughts about these things below:

Book Review: Traveling Aja Dulu! - Olivia Dianina

Website Traveling Aja Dulu!: https://www.travelingajadulu.com/

It’s funny to see the way universe works to make your dream comes true. Ketika saya menerima buku Traveling Aja Dulu! dari Olivia Dianina, saya punya banyak pemikiran skeptis di benak saya. Sudah lima tahun sejak terakhir kali saya menjejak terminal keberangkatan internasional di bandara. Paspor saya yang hampir memasuki masa kadaluwarsa tergeletak menyedihkan di dalam sebuah tas bersamaan dengan dokumen-dokumen berharga lainnya. Sebentar lagi saya harus bersiap untuk membuat paspor baru meskipun juga belum tahu hendak kemana, kapan, dengan siapa, berbuat apa, dan sebagainya.

Satu bulan kemudian, saya duduk di seat 38B pesawat KLM menuju Singapura. Untuk merayakan tahun baru bersama bos dan rekan kerja (yang baru). 

As crazy and cliche as it sounds, dream CAN comes true. 

Satu hal yang membuat saya semakin merinding saat menuliskan blog post ini adalah, untuk melakukan perjalanan ke Singapura kemarin, saya tidak perlu mengeluarkan uang sama sekali! Sebagaimana cerita Olivia yang kebanyakan perjalanannya di-cover oleh studi dan pekerjaan, saya jadi semakin yakin untuk bermimpi, bermimpi, bermimpi setinggi mungkin - dan izinkan Tuhan membimbing kita menuju jalan untuk mewujudkan mimpi tersebut. 

Saya mengenal Olivia di sebuah event bertajuk Nomads for Change di Ubud. Sejak pertama berjabat tangan, saya tahu kami akan berteman baik. Sosoknya yang inspiratif, penuh semangat dan optimisme, membuat saya betah berlama-lama berdiskusi dengannya. Dari mulai gelora asmara yang jenaka, hingga isu-isu sosial yang membuat hidup lebih bermakna. 

Maka saya berbangga ketika ia memilih saya untuk membaca bukunya yang memuat segala pengalaman traveling-nya. Belakangan saya tahu dari buku ini, bahwa Olivia mendapatkan empat beasiswa luar negeri dari mulai kuliah kuliah S-2 di Australia, hingga kursus tentang kebudayaan dan lingkungan di Jepang. Dengan demikian, apa yang ia bagikan di buku ini lebih dari sekadar tentang senang-senang. 

Itulah sebabnya saya memilih jalur edukasi sebagai kendaraan awal agar bisa traveling ke luar negeri. Dengan jalur itu, saya tidak perlu keluar modal besar dan bisa sejalan dengan harapan orangtua. Bonusnya, saya bisa ikut kegiatan yang akan membantu karier saya di masa depan. Berkat konferensi-lah saya bisa traveling ke luar negeri untuk pertama kali. 

Gara-gara baca buku ini, saya jadi ingat kalau pertama kali saya ke luar negeri juga bukan karena jalan-jalan semata. Tahun 2002, saya mengikuti World Scout Jamboree di Thailand, mewakili Provinsi Jawa Timur. Sepulang dari sana, saya ikut tour group untuk menyambangi Kuala Lumpur dan Singapura. Baru 16 tahun kemudian, saya bisa mengunjungi Singapura lagi (kalau Kuala Lumpur terakhir tahun 2014). 

2019 Year in Review: It’s The Climb

One of my best friends is a super strong woman (and right now when I am writing this, I realized that I am surrounded by a lot of powerful women). I can count by one hand how many times she shared her sadness or any life challenges she faces on social media. She always looks “happy”, although I am sure deep down inside she is crushed. 

I, actually wanted to learn from her. 

But I cannot. 

I always believe that I write to share. I hope my writings make someone who might be far away from me, can realize that he/she is not alone. His/her feelings are valid, and although the world seems against him/her, there is still a hope.

However, this year is one of the shittiest years in my life, like ever. One day I feel like I am the poorest human in the world – like literally. One day I feel like I lost everything in life, even my dignity. This year I had so many suicidal thoughts because I am afraid of what will come next, and I know that I didn’t take care of myself well. I seek pleasure in places or things I’ve never imagined myself will involve to. I ran far away from God because I was disappointed often. I just don’t know who I was anymore. 

But this post is not about that. This post is about me, trying to rise up from the underground. This post is about me, even when it’s really really hard, trying to see the positive side of life; or simply what kind of lessons I have learned throughout the year. For once, as I also don’t want to go back and reminisce all those stupidities that I have done, I will try to write my Year in Review in a different way. I have set the intention to write this post as a way to be grateful for every little thing that has happened. I hope it will help me to start the new year with a lot more positive thoughts, and so let’s start from the biggest event of this year…