Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Why Broken Heart Can Be Such A Beautiful Moment

I know I am supposed to work right now but I couldn’t help to think of this young woman. She broke up with her foreigner boyfriend some months ago and it affected her life thoroughly. I actually saw a bright hope here and there for her. But surely I know that getting separated with someone whom you shared everything with for years is just painful.

Some times ago, I finally stopped talking with two men I met from online dating website. Two? Yes, two. The thing is, as you might have assumed that I was emotionally attached with one man, we realized that we’re not meant to be together. So in one fine night not too long after I accomplished my thesis defense, we talked it out and we ended whatever-we-ever-had. Another man that came later was having a lot of problems in his life and he opened it up first, saying that he couldn’t handle an official relationship, moreover long distance AND intercultural relationship.

However, we (me and those two men) keep exchanging messages, until one accident happened and my ‘friendship’ with the South Asian man who is living in Japan got over very badly. I actually got super traumatic and it disgusted me to remember that I once liked him so much. Eywh. With another man, it was just finished. Like that. And I don’t have any interest to talk to him anymore.

To be honest, there were some sweet moments during the year and that’s why somehow I don’t feel regret to know them both. NO I LIED. I REALLY WISH I DIDN’T WASTE MY TIME WITH THEM. But – as you know I always see sunshine even in the darkest storm – there are some lessons that can be learned. I also got inspired by the story from one of my ex bosses and the young woman I told you earlier.

We love to be loved, who doesn’t? Furthermore, we like it when we are loved in the way we expect. If you have no idea about it, check this one out: Every person has his/her own love language, and I do believe it may guarantees the age and the satisfaction of a relationship. It doesn’t only portrayed between lovers, but also parents-kids relationship. For example, my mom and I have been argued a lot and I chose to live far from her because this matter. She rarely try to understand me through my love language...which is Words of Affirmation.

Although the first man rejected the idea of Love Languages, he hitted me on the spot with some perfect gifts. I will not reveal what were the gifts, but for you who follow my Instagram – or my friend on Facebook, you might have guessed. He knew me better than what I have explained to him, and boy, that’s really nice. I remember that I feel amazed when I got the package – and it wasn’t just one time but twice. If you ask if online dating can be good, yes I think it can, it’s just.....maybe not for me, or not now.

Sadly I have to announce that I have thrown all of those lovely gifts. I didn’t even thrown it out myself. I gave it to someone whom I barely know, and when she was about to pay it, I said I won’t accept the money.

However, the first man is a bit busy and as much as we talk, it’s been always some important and heavy discussions. That, somehow, makes me stopped contacting him at the beginning. You know, sometimes women just need a listener. He often judging me, and I feel hurt by the way he spilled out his opinion. He made me cry a lot because I thought he think I am stupid.

When the second man came into my life, I never thought we will have a ‘feeling’ towards each other. He is not my type, neither me for him. He knew about the first man yet we enjoyed our conversation. As he lives in the neighbor country, soon we arranged our meeting. As I had a business partner-candidate in that country, I decided to be the one who will come first. Turned out, that meeting plan was somehow a bad idea for him and there you go, he offended me. He apologized, though – but of course, I have closed the door.

I am not gonna saying that I deserve this kind of treatment (NO ONE DESERVE IT ANYWAY). However, receiving such bad treatments made me realize what kind of treatment I wish to have. I set up the standard to ‘love’ me by turning down the ‘opportunity’ from those men. Almost like saying, “no you can’t be with me if you ..... me. And NO means NO, I won’t give you second chance if you cross the line.”

One of my ex bosses explained the concept above to me. I appreciate what these men did for me, but I wouldn’t give it away just because they seem nice at the beginning. I have no problem in fighting for something that really worthy. So I want to make sure that the man whom I will spend my lifetime with, understand how to make me happy and pay respect on me.

And that’s, the ‘function’ of broken heart. Knowing that you, once were loved by someone – and it will feel so delightful when the new person can love you in a better way. Certainly, before expecting someone will love you the way you want it to be, you have to know and love yourself. I once wrote in my journal that I hate and proud of myself at the same time when I love someone, because I don’t easily give up. So, you – and you – I am ‘sorry’ you have to miss the chance of being loved by me. :)

Hugs for the broken hearts,

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