At first I thought that I won’t make a year recap, as I have been crying so much ‘til I think my soul has been drained. This year is definitely another rollercoaster year, I remember 2013 was the last peaceful year for me, I only think about work. So boring. 2014 gave me a lot of suprises, especially when I have to resign to join World Muslimah Award 2014. I have worried A LOT since then. I have nightmares, I keep arguing with my beloved, I constantly reminding myself to take a deep breath and telling that everything will be okay.
However, if I may pull a red line (menarik benang merah itu apa ya bahasa Inggrisnya...), this year is another year that taught me that Allah is Great. He is the only thing I may count on to. I learned to not expecting to human, as expectation leads to disappointment. It’s not that I don’t believe to my best friends, but even my closest person let me down. I also learn to just accept whatever He gives me, when one day someone who is considered my boss said, “you pray because you trust Allah. If you don’t like what He brings to your life, why still pray?” Then it recalled MY OWN RESPONSE to an atheist Korean professor when he asked why I pray, “I believe The Highest Creator will always protect me whatever happen in my life, He will not leave me alone, He will guide me. The feeling of knowing ‘something’ out there keep His eyes on me, it gives me peace.”
I also learn to learn more. I mean when I got a problem, I go out and seek for help, not keeping it for myself. Sometimes it’s hard because I am the first child, and I have been so independent. But then, when I talk to someone and finally get a clear solution, I believe it’s Allah’s way to help me. When I can help myself, I can help others with the knowledge. That’s the cycle of life. To help and to be helped.
Before I bring you to my month-by-month recap, with everything that collapses, I got so many blessings until I had a thought to change my blog name into ‘An Amazing Life’. I felt like ‘A Blessed Life’ isn’t good enough to represent my life. I grow so much this year (termasuk tumbuh ke samping...). Then my friend said that ‘A Blessed Life’ is not just a brand of Primadita Rahma, it is also a reminder to stay humble. That’s why I stick with the name and hopefully it will bless anyone who reads :) So, below were my recap, please enjoy!
January
This year opened with a lot of good things. I finished my classes and spent holiday in my hometown(s).
February
At first it was great. I started working freelance, I joined an event in Masjid Kampus UGM as a committee and got a lot of new sisters/brothers, then created a new passport (although I had no travel plan that time). But then, something happened and I was crashed. Devastated was an underrated word. I hide the feeling, but couldn’t think clearly. I daydream a lot because I feel something were missing and I couldn’t connect the dots. I felt betrayed. At one point, I couldn’t take it anymore and made an appointment with a psychologist which make me so relieved. Thank you so much, Mbak Dina!
March-May
In the same time when I got crashed, I went to Jakarta in the end of February and got myself a full time job. Alhamdulillah. Exactly what I needed to keep busy and regain my positive energy. These months, I was still struggling with my problems and just tried to live my life day by day. As you can see, I didn’t write any blog post in March. I even created happiness project in May because I need to remind myself why I should be happy and grateful. That’s how gloomy my life was.
In the other side, during these months, I joined Korean course again and zumba class. Haven’t done both of them in so many years! Wew. With the same purpose ‘to regain my positive energy’, I met lovely new friends and took back my strength. These two activities reminded me that I am worthy.
June
No matter what I felt before, Ramadhan was another beginning for me. I felt a lot happier and somehow my sadness were distracted by hunger (ugh, what time is the maghrib today? :p). Because there was preach after every tarawih prayer, and we recited Qur’an more, I felt much better. Not that I didn’t recite Qur’an in the last three months, but you know Ramadhan IS the moment of improvement.
July
If Ramadhan was another beginning, Idul Fitri finally restored my smile. One of the biggest reason was because I joined my uncle in a caesarean birth surgery. He is an ob-gyn so he gave me permission to be in the surgery room. What an experience. When I came home, I hugged my mom and thanked her for enduring the pain when she gave birth on me 28 years ago.
I also traveled to Bali by car with my dad’s family and get more understanding that my dad and I have a lot things in common. We both are rebellious and stubborn yet adventurous and very social. After the trip, I gained so much confidence knowing my dad has been always proud of me all of these times.
This month was definitely a very big breakthrough for my on-and-off relationship with my parents.
August-September
If I can draw my life in a line chart, my line is starting to climb. Alhamdulillah.
October
My birthday month and my busiest month! Started with being a speaker for a writing workshop in Surabaya; held Born to be Loved giveaway; joined EATOF as Liaison Officer for Vice Governor of Luang Prabang, Laos; and became one of the participants of ACMC. Yet I still organized #LifeGoals. I have to miss UWRF but I know this is for something bigger. Life was sooooo good I even think any prayer will not be sufficient to thank Allah :) :) :)
November
Another best friend’s wedding, and I traveled to three cities to share my life stories in a radio talkshow and workshops. I also joined Kelas Inspirasi V Malang! I lost my voice due to exhaustion but only then I looked back and eventually understand what doesn’t kill me only make me stronger (and it can be a great blog post :p). Spent less than a week in Jogja, then flew again to BALI for annual meeting. Couldn’t believe my luck!
December
In contrary with my main goal for 2016, I haven’t finished my thesis but I invested in many bigger things. This month I also found something else. I start to believe in a thing call..... YOU KNOW. I won’t reveal it here today, just please please please pray for me so that I can announce THE BIGGEST ANNOUNCEMENT IN LIFE in 2017. Does it mean that I will create a new business line? Gotcha, you are disappointed. HAHAHA. I don’t know, may it be His secret for now, I am still clueless though.
In summarize, this year is 50% pain, 50% joy. The biggest lesson this year is to accept and move forward. Delete unimportant things in your mind so you can focus on more important things. Love more, understand others even more.
Last but not least, 2016 making me realize that, “life is like a coin. Pleasure and pain are the two sides. Only one side is visible at a time. But remember other side is waiting for its turn.” ~ Anonymous
Cheers for a greater year,
Prima
Shout out to my girls Ayu Meutia and Claudya Tio Elleossa who have inspired me to write such a post. Love ya!
